Christianity Its Not What You Think It Is

I have a file on my computer called ‘Christianity, it’s not what you think it is’ and from time to time I put notes in and if it’s part of God’s plan one day I will write a book on this topic. Because pretty much every time I post something there are comments about negative aspects of Christianity, its barbaric, oppressive history, or stories of encounters with people who were judgemental, hateful or expressing some other negative character trait. 

And every time someone writes a comment it’s pretty much always to complain about some aspect of human behaviour  that goes against what the Bible teaches. 

And what the Bible teaches is that people are sinners and it’s taken me quite a while to even to say that word because of the connotations it has. Connotations that come from the human tendency to oppress, shame, blame, control and abuse and attack others because of their perceived sin. But none of this abusive behaviour is actually Christian. It’s actually all sin. 

One example of this that hurts my heart more than anything is some of the parenting teachings I’ve heard about from so-called Christian ‘experts’. I can remember years ago signing a petition to get one of their books removed from Amazon because what it advocated must surely be illegal and abusive and the authors should be in jail rather than giving out parenting advice. 

I was thinking of this recently when I went to a church service on parenting where the Pastor mentioned giving consequences. Ironically there was a grandmother in the congregation with a boy who couldn’t have been more than four who wouldn’t sit still. She threatened to spank him.

I was so frustrated with the (well-intentioned) sermon. Consequences, even the non-violent kind do negatively effect the parent-child relationship.  I had such a heavy heart about so-called ‘Christian’ parenting techniques, that I just went to the bathroom so I didn’t have to listen. To be fair the sermon was mainly about loving our children. But as a parent educator I learnt why consequences are never necessary. Limits can always be set lovingly, I’m not advocating for permissive parenting. (see my book Tears Heal for more info.) 

A few weeks after the church sermon I randomly came across a book in a charity shop, called Jesus, The Gentle Parent, by L.R Knost. It advocated for all the kind of things I’ve taught as a parent educator, but told from the perspective of the Bible. I just love how God places the things that we need in our path, in this beautiful tapestry of life that he weaves for us. Knost says that the word ‘discipline’ comes from the word ‘disciple’ and if we think about how Jesus taught his disciples, he didn’t shout at them or punish them or try to manipulate them to do what he wanted via rewards. He loved and guided them. They were his children, and with our children we can do exactly the same. Love, guidance, gentle but firm limits on what they shouldn’t do. Just as Jesus built a relationship with his disciples so that they would listen to him, we can build that relationship with our children. It’s not always easy, and I write this having got frustrated this morning, in a very unchristlike way! We often mess up, and we get to try again, because we are forgiven. We need to quickly forgive our children rather than think they must ‘pay’ for their behaviour. Jesus already paid the price. 

The concept of rewards and consequences in parenting is of the world, it’s not in the Bible. While ‘discipline’ can be open to interpretation in different ways, as Christians we are called to find the most loving, compassionate way to parent while still making sure our children know right from wrong. 

This is true in all aspects of our lives, to always try to find the most loving, compassionate way to handle situations. And if that’s not what you are seeing, then it’s not Christian. 

Christianity, it is not what many people think it is. It’s not a man-made religion for the stupid, it’s not about hate or judgment or control or getting people to obey. This is a very clever trick of the enemy though to chain it up and turn it into something that hides the real essence. I pray that those reading this might look beyond the hurtful, abusive behaviour that has been done in the name of Christianity and begin the journey to see what it really is.