Before getting a puppy I knew it would be work, but I found there’s a huge difference between ‘knowing’ it on a mental level, and the actual lived experience.
I realised the reality was different one morning a few weeks ago. After a week-long visit from my mum, I sat down to do some writing. My brain was blank. There was nothing there. Usually when it comes to paid work I have an article or two I’m working on at any one time, and then a steady stream of ideas that I can tap into when I finish the articles. This time there was nothing.
It was then that I realised that what I had taken on was a lot bigger than I thought. When my childfree, brother-in-law mentioned that we had taken on a big responsibility I kind of laughed it off, after all, I’m raising a human child (now 12). It’s not as if responsibility is a foreign concept.
But the funny thing is that for me, while a puppy is easier than a newborn, in some aspects, in others it’s actually harder. When I became a human mum I reflected on women who suffered from postnatal depression, and what caused it. Because I actually became happier when I had a child, and I think a lot of it was to do with the fact that I had a supportive husband, and was at a stage in my life, where I didn’t have other responsibilities. I was in my baby bubble. My husband could cook meals. We lived in a small apartment, in Switzerland where everything is very organised, and runs smoothly, and the wages are higher.
Now, after the initial stage of getting my head around the dog mindset, we’ve settled into a routine. We are juggling the cats and dogs, playing hours of fetch, snoozing on the sofa.
But it’s the other aspects of life that just feel so overwhelming, looking at the state of the kitchen, getting back into the school routine, and how monotonous it is with all the lunches, dinners and mess. And on top of that there’s the financial pressure.
Yesterday I made an Italian pasta dish (trofie al pesto), something I had eaten on holiday by the sea. As the whole family enjoyed it, for a moment I could feel a little on top of things, eating good food. Something creative instead of just the tidying and cleaning.
This morning I woke up, and the whole cycle begins again.
Puppies have their cute and hilarious moments, but it’s just so hard to enjoy it completely when I’m so tired, and wondering when my brain will come online again. Everyone says it gets easier.
I’m just wondering how I can rest and de-stress enough to get my brain back online and get back to work.
The other morning, a Christian friend mentioned a writing project to me. In ten minutes I wrote down an idea, and it flowed so quickly. I have noticed this a lot that sometimes, if it’s to do with God and his kingdom, it doesn’t matter how tired, and broken or ill I feel. The words just flow. In fact it sometimes seems that it’s when I’m most tired that I get ideas. I’ve even wondered if it’s God in his kindness, offering me a gift in words, to lift my spirits in the hardest moments.
For a little while I felt a sense of purpose, that I had a place in the Body of Christ. It may not be paid work but it was like a little reminder from God, that even when it seems hard, he has a plan and a purpose for us, he will take care of us.
At this point in time, I’m not exactly sure how a puppy fits into the mix, but she’s certainly found her place at home in our family.
‘For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.’ - Jeremiah 29 11-13.