The Benefits of Listening To Other People

When I said that I was offering a course in listening skills, it didn’t sound so appealing to one of my friends. She already felt tired and drained out from listening to people around her, in nonconsensual arrangements that didn’t benefit her in the slightest. Why on earth would she want to get more skilled in something that can be so tedious and draining? To share an example; a loved one always used to talk to me about the same old struggles. There were things in their life that they couldn’t fix, that they couldn’t find a solution to. I found the conversations frustrating and circular. I felt that I was supposed to help them come up with a solution, but they would never take my advice and would continue to talk around and around about the problem. It all clicked with me when I learnt about listening, and how they didn’t want my advice. They wanted to be heard. They wanted to be seen. As I learnt the skills of listening, I began to see that I could offer them something, my attention, my warmth and empathy. And if felt good to do it. The part of coming up with solutions was their responsibility. I could let go of any perceived need that to control that. My role was simply to listen. When I learnt deep listening skills these conversations became more like a meditation, with the sole focus being the other person, and their words. I could actually relax, and not feel drained, knowing that just being there was enough. Listening can offer a welcome distraction from our own struggles, and a powerful sense of reassurance, that nobody has it easy, that we are all struggling with one thing or another, and that’s what makes us human. Listening can be interesting, as people’s stories unravel in our presence. It helps us learn about humanity, and come to a deeper place of non-judgemental understanding. And yes it can be draining. In a society where most people don’t learn the skills of deep listening, people are crying out to be heard by someone, anyone. This is why an essential part of this process is building your own boundaries, so that you listen when you have the capacity. This is also why Listening Partnerships are a great concept – these are timed sessions where two people exchange equal amounts of time, talking and listening. Through listening partnerships you can introduce these ideas to others in your community, so you can be listened to as well. So this is what it’s really about, learning these skills and passing them on, so we create a new community of empowered humans, who know that the answers lie within themselves, they just need a little loving care to find them.

You can learn more in my upcoming Healing Conversations course – link to register,