When sex coaching and christianity collide
In 2021 I qualified as a sex coach, and then I became a Christian. Having these events happen in such short succession was such a ‘head-fuck,’ (sorry for swearing but that’s the only way I can think of describing it), that I put my training on a shelf, and couldn’t even think about it, let alone practise. When a client contacted me to say she’d be in touch in a few months to schedule sessions, I felt dread, as I couldn’t even begin to explain to myself why I couldn’t practise anymore, let alone anyone else. I just knew there was a huge block around it like a door had been padlocked shut, and I couldn’t think or talk about it.
The client never got in contact in the end. Thank God, who spared me from having to explain when I was beginning this journey. Becoming Christian, feels to me like learning a new language, it takes many years to become fluent. Attitudes to sex out in the world, are so radically different to Christianity, and I’m still figuring it out. There’s no way I could hold space to help others do the same.
But the other day, I was reminded of what I do carry with me, from this training, and what helps me so much in my day to day life, something that we didn’t learn as children, and something that is ultimately about loving our neighbour. And that is consent, and respecting of boundaries. The listening to ourselves, and what our own boundaries are, the honouring of boundaries in others. It’s not just about ‘sex’, but in every single day to day interaction we have with people. So many of us struggle with people-pleasing and being able to say no, but it’s ultimately when we honour our own boundaries and limits, that we can give more to others. I’m so grateful that I got to learn that lesson, and I am so grateful to have spent a year in a non-judgemental environment, where people put love and human connection first.
Through healing sexual injury and trauma after a medical procedure I’ve explored all sorts of modalities from Tantra, to erotic breathing to writing erotica, and much more. I’ve had many blissful experiences, my body healed, but to be honest, nothing really ‘stuck’ in my day to day life. There was still something that remained unhealed. I was surprised to find that actually the Bible had a radically different answer, a helpful perspective that I’d never considered before. As a beginner learning this new language, I don’t have the answers, but I am asking the questions. Clearly the way the Bible has taught has messed a lot of people up when it comes to sex. But the mainstream world, I’m not sure it’s any better, probably worse.
I don’t know if I’ll ever work as a sex coach again, but I still believe wholeheartedly that we as a society need to have conversation about sex. I just think that my perspective might be a little different now.