When The Past Is Present

The question I ask myself most days, is how to be happy in these times. How to cultivate happiness amidst restrictions, or when relatively free, but with the nagging fear at the back of your mind that any moment the government could attempt to take that freedom away.

Happiness is an inside job, said William Arthur Ward, a motivational writer born in the early 1900’s. And it’s something I thought about during the lockdowns. If a Buddhist monk could sit and meditate and do nothing much each day, accept eat and sit, then could I be happy, even amidst restrictions?

On the one hand, we have a fundamental need for connection with other humans. Oh the overlords know it well, so that when they wanted to manipulate and fill our brains with their fear narrative, they took away that connection, with lockdowns, masks and social distancing. This left us vulnerable to operating in a state of fight or flight, without the deep connections needed to maintain the healthy brain function in order to think carefully and critically.

When restrictions get in the way of that connection. When we lose friends or family members because they don’t like our point of view, or we can’t go places to meet people, then it can be hard to have that baseline level of connection that’s needed to thrive.

And yet however, the human brain is inventive and creative, and everywhere there are alternative communities sprouting up.

There are people to meet and places to go, and opportunities to have, even if there are many days, when it doesn’t quite seem that way.

Something else is at play. Not just the present life, and it’s daily events, but the past.

The past is often like an invisible river, running underneath our reality. It colours the way we see things. It triggers us. When the present looks dark and bleak, it can be that it is past hurts rippling up to the surface.

For example. My sense of isolation, isn’t necessarily about today, but about feelings I had as a child, feeling lonely and scared at school, struggling because the girls who were my friends were actually bullies.

At the time there were no adults who saw what was going on. No adults who listened. And so I stored those feelings up and carried them into adulthood.

I might project them on someone I know in the present, perceiving that they don’t care. And I might re-feel that loneliness. And if I’m not conscious of how the past is projecting into my present reality. I might blame it on what I see as the problem; the restrictions.

And the restrictions are the problem.

And yet to really heal, I need to go back to the root. To explore the original pain. To release it, so that I can think more clearly about what is going on in the present; how I can navigate this strange new world, and make the best of it.

The process by which you can heal, is something natural, and inborn. It’s how we express our feelings through talking, with an empathic listener, laughing, crying, and emotional release to let it go.

This method of talking while being heard non-judgementally offers that sense of present day connection, with the opportunity to heal too.

When we release our feelings, the present may look quite different with the past no longer colouring it. The mind can think more clearly and you might find that ideas pop into your head, action you can take in the real world, to make your life better, and help the ideas of others.

In order to move forward in this reality, we need to act from a place of inner strength, to let go of the old wounds, and let our creative, inventive humanity find solutions. We can’t do it alone. Human minds work best in a system.

This is the purpose behind my new course Healing Conversations; to build a community where you can exchange listening partnerships with others, to learn the skills of talking and listening so that you can heal from past wounds and help others to do the same. Once you’ve done the course you have the skills for life, to grow your own community, and have free ongoing listening partnerships with others. We can free ourselves of anger, and pain, and move forward to co-create a new reality.

Special early bird price till 15th Feb. - Register Here.