Writing Beyond Ourselves

Ever since I was a teenager, I think I’ve been trying to communicate with something. Putting pen to paper, writing my thoughts in notebooks. Looking for answers. Looking to leave pain behind on the page.

I learnt about the concept of ‘freewriting’ or ‘stream of consciousness writing’ through teachers like Natalie Goldberg and Julia Cameron. I loved how by writing, I was often led to solutions, or a sense of peace, simply by putting words down on the page, and giving my thoughts, time and attention.

One of the best, and most freeing principles was to be non-judgemental of our thoughts, to just write it all down, without trying to censor, suppress, or edit. By allowing ourselves the freedom to write ‘junk’ we can find the gold. 

Writing it seems, can be a way to access inner wisdom, our intuition, our higher self, or perhaps even something beyond ourselves?

Although I never actually did ‘automatic writing’ myself, I once wrote about it for an article I wrote for a spiritual magazine, with tips I’d gathered from experts. If you look online, some sources will describe automatic writing as connecting to your higher self, you soul. Others will say it helps you to connect to spirit guides or angels.

When I started following people who channelled spirits, one of my friends mentioned that it could be dangerous, that people don’t know what they are channelling, and they could be opening up access to anything. At the time, I didn’t pay much attention to his opinion. After all, the people I listened to were intelligent, and accurate. I trusted them.

 If you pick up a pen, and follow instructions to do some ‘automatic writing’ than who are you communicating with, and how can you be sure?

When I wrote my article I realise now that I was incredibly naive, thinking it was a fun idea, to get answers, and magical communications, without acknowledging the darker side of our reality.

The Bible says that ‘the devil disguises himself as an angel of light’ and this is a phenomenon I have heard of from a healer, who observed a angel shapeshift into a demon. It is also one I’ve heard of from ‘new age to Jesus Testimonies’ in which people realised their ‘spirit guides’ were actually demons.

Perhaps the fear of such potentialities are easy to brush aside, as the magical realm of psychic messages is so seductive and alluring. Finding answers. Getting predictions about the future. Speaking to dead loved ones. I’d had little insights or messages that came into my mind in the middle of the night, or when I was meditating. It felt exciting to believe, as many channelers do that we are entering a new age, when this psychic connection would only increase.

Letting go of a desire to walk through the door of the psychic realm, took time, and was a grieving process for me. What made it possible to let go was a new communication. A communication that felt far bigger, and much safer, one that had been missing from all of the conversation about psychic information, and meditation.

And that was God. It was as if I had been in a Godless ‘universe’ I was floating free, picking up little tidbits here and there, little morsels of answers or insights, always seeking, always craving more.

And actually there is someone right here, right now. Someone who loves us. Someone who wants a relationship with us. Someone who doesn’t necessarily offer us bright shiny spiritual powers but is more powerful than anything else.

The first time I said ‘The Lord’s Prayer’ I was surprised to experience an extremely strong presence that I sensed appearing as soon as I began to speak. It is hard to put into words, but it was something strong, and singular, not like drifting in an endless sea.

Yesterday I was at a rope climbing park. We were meeting some other families and my husband had taken my daughter off to get fitted into the gear, and listen to the safety instructions.

I found myself alone, waiting for everybody, sitting with the picnic stuff, w under the green trees with patches of sunlight filtering through. It was a lovely day, and I felt quite joyful that I was actually out in the world in a public place in Italy, for the first time in months. As I waited I wondered what to do. I didn’t want to just pick up my phone and scroll through social media. These days when I find myself alone with some moments to spare I often pray, but of course I couldn’t as there were people around.

And so I had the idea of writing my prayers down, and that’s what got me thinking. I’d been writing this way for decades, but never ever addressing God.

What a difference it makes, to believe that our needs, can be fulfilled, our sadness can be healed, our problems be solved, with the help not just of our intuition or higher self, or whatever we call it, but with the help of God. Not needing to rely on our own ability to perform magical positive thinking in an impersonal universe, or by using words as magical spells, but instead knowing that a much more powerful force, can be there to help us and guide us. God won’t give us everything we desire necessarily, but he will provide everything we need.

I realise now, looking back, that there was always a slight shakiness and uncertainty, that though there had been times in my life when it seemed that miracles or divine intervention occurred, and a sense that something was looking out for me, there was something missing a stronger sense of security.

As I sat there and wrote to God about how grateful I was for this day, and to be out in the world I thought of all the times I had told my writing students to write down what they were grateful for, and yet who were we saying thank you to? 

I wrote a post earlier this week on my substack about how I decided to unpublish my book of writing exercises Re-Imagining The World. I’m still reflecting on why I felt the urge to do this, but it really comes down to a deep sense that my perspective is that acknowledging the existence of God, and talking to God, has helped me feel so much safety, peace, and happiness. My own efforts to imagine and visualise that safety and happiness (while ignoring God pale into comparison. I can’t speak for anyone else, but as a teacher I need to practise what I preach, if I am going to write anything for my wellbeing, it will be prayers to God.

I am starting to plan an online writing workshop in writing to God, (not necessarily a religious God, but what God means to you, and your connection) then send me a pm. And if you’re interested in learning more about the transition from New Age to Christianity and Jesus, then you can join our new facebook group The Bridge.